Eureka!!!!

Having taken a day off work for reasons unknown to me even, i sit and struggle to kill time. opening every folder in my comp i come across a whole lot of photos all taking me down wonderful times...but then one picture, a series rather caught my attention among the rest..
It had been there all long, but seeing it now, gave it a whole new meaning..
It was taken during Vishu...
We were enjoying it with crackers - me, my family, my cousins includin my lil cousin sister - all of five years old..The initial snaps had her clapping in glee to all the sparklers, the flower pots et all...and then i offered her a lit sparkler..
and the transformation was instant. The next snap showed her covering behind her mom, screaming away at the nearest sight of me
This lasted for a couple of snaps...a few more later and seeing her brother do the crackers with ease, she now wanted to try some, albeit from a small corner of her mind . Jealousy a.k.a sibling rivalry can sometimes be such a motivating thing :-)
The next few shots had her still covering behind her mom, but looking at me thru the corner of her eye, with longing, with anticipation...expecting maybe that i will offer it to her again...but then, i was too immersed in the sound and light around me, to notice all this. Unbeknown to me, unbeknown to her ...every lil iota of emotion floating around was getting stored in a bit somewhere in the depths of the digital camera.
the show was almost nearing its end. I was lighting the final set of cracklers and then she did it, she came rushing at me and took hold my hand, the hand that was hodling the sparkler. Surprised by the suddenness of the move i drop the unlit crackler on the floor.
And now it all comes flooding back to me. I still remember turning swiftly with the sole purpose of admonishing her..and there she stood, head bowed, hand stretched out and uttered 2 words "anna, enakku"..having seen her for 5 years, i do know fully well, how much of a drama queen she can be, but then i am too surprised by the sudden turn of events that i barely squeal.
Picking up the sparkler i proceed to light it, all the while making sure that my pose was just right for the camera. In all the earlier snaps, the subject of this blog was never in the frame. It was always someone else lighting a flower pot, or setting of a cracker. But this time around, i made sure that was not the case, and the difference was there to see. Me lighting a candle. me turning sround in style. Me handing it over to my cousin. All the while grinning like a page 3 glitterati high on something.
But there she was, totally cut off from it all. Concentrating only on the sparkler in my hand. Slowly stretching her right hand out, with the left hand on her ear and head tilted to the left. i let go of the sprakler and the next few seconds/snaps made me realise why pictures do speak a thousand words.
The sparkler was long and was chattering away gloriously and her face showed fear. Fear of the unknown. Trepidation even.
And as the sparks inched closer it grew more visible with the deepening furrows on her face. Halfway through, she realised that she might win the battle after all, and relaxed her face a bit. We are providing running commentary in the background, but are pretty much sure that she heard none of it.
The sparklers are into the home stretch now and the hints of a killer smile appear. The smile grows wilder and wider every nano second. The final embers in the sparkler see her looking around at all of us with that triumphant look in her face and as the sparkler dies she throws it in one casual fling, right back over her shoulder. Signalling victory in battle. She turns around and then rushes back into the house feet thumping on the ground, imitating a horse all the way. Running to tell her mom.
I wondered why this was such a big thing to the kid. Why the entire gamut of emotions had rushed through her in that brief period. She was doing something for the first time in her life. She was conquering her fear of long..fear that she has carried for the brief period she has been on this earth. And then proving to herself and all others that she was no less than her brother.....

P.S:- Stopping here as i dont want this to be a lesson with a moral at the end of the story, another to be added to that irritating chicken book series