The Sheer Randomness of it all

Just another saturday night; yet another movie. Three more hours killed; still no sleep though. Ive been sitting on my chair pretending to read, all the while staring out of the window...the miserable New England drizzle, the noisy drunken louts walking back home with the occasional drunken lass. Maybe that is what I need, some alcohol to numb my brain and put me to sleep. And I surprise myself with that thought.

It is well past midnight and the entire Sigur Ros playlist has run its course. The revolting movie house coffee seems to be kicking in, a good few hours later. There is an eerie silence in the house that strangely makes me too aware of how clearly I am thinking; random thoughts that seem to be the handiwork of a brain trying to sort through too much...what is the word I am looking for here...hmm..."stuff"???

There has been death....sadly not a tear in my eyes, then or now. And I therefore still can't let go....closure is what I am looking for....

There is hope....people are moving on, putting aside differences and striving to be close again.

There has been euphoria...I am moving on in life. For better or for worse I don't know. For better I hope. Never been this excited in a long long time. A little scared too. I could take down a whole lot of people with me. I could have done without the pressure, but I couldn't have done without the support.

Catch -22!

Above all is the humbling realization that success in life is all a result of a random sequence of events...monkeys on a keyboard .... any one of which if the outcome was different could end up taking you in a totally different direction. You need just enough talent to make the best of the opportunities. The rest is all baloney.

And I wait for that one event in about a month's time. Life could be decided by a person across a window over a 5 minute period....Not feeling scared as much as I am feeling Powerless!!

An my train of thought has run its course, sadly no sleep yet.

Time for some Johnny cash......

The pleasures of an arbitary conversation

Have you ever had this feeling that you have been talking to a lot of people but never really connecting or making any sense? I realised a couple of days back that that is what I have been doing and I have been at it for so long that I have forgotten what a natural conversation feels like.

So when out of the blue on a normal work day, you find a friend online and talk about everything from Barack obama to the fjords to the contributions of Nehru, the effortlessness of it all ends up surprising you. And you realize, it is not the quantity of friends that matter, it is just the quality.

Thanks my friend. I owe you one!

The summer that was ...was not?

I haven't logged in to blogger for a while, for one American summer to be precise. So I have the perfect excuse for being erratic this time around - SUMMER VACATION !!

At the first hint of green around me, I had made plans to hit the road again - Partly to make up for the time that I lost all winter and partly to lose the sense of suffocation that I was feeling from being within four walls; and hit the road - I did, with a mad dash across florida logging almost 2k miles on the road in 4 days, and getting totally sunburnt (imagine skin peeling off).

June came and with it rain too - supposedly, typical "New England weather". For a change, I managed to do something about my interests, rather than just bragging/blogging. Me and the Pentax enrolled ourselves in an amateur photography course - a course that I religiously completed, every single assignment included. For someone who is prone to chronic disillusionment, this achievement is something that I am really proud about. Though I have been photographing for a long while now, it feels nice to have a good grasp of the subject ...rather than spraying and praying that the image comes out as I want it to.

July again was pretty rainy, but then didn't stay home even for a single weekend. White water rafting - will do it tonnes of times again, what a rush!!!
-Watched all the super hero flicks that came out - In the theatre, Batman in Imax :-)
-Hiked a few local trails and swam in freezing water at 6 in the morning , in a reservoir, that was not exactly meant for swimming - but then we are Indian, so sab chalta hai..hai na??
-A scavenger hunt through Boston - a group of 10 people, almost totally random, walking all day, up and down the town . Worth every ounce of fat burned (for people who do not know me, I value fat very much)
-All you can eat icecream for 5 dollars.

Rain brought with it August as well. And as they say the good times definitely do end. Beginning with my Photography class. As my instructor wound up the class with a preview of what was to come in the fall for another $250, a course on documentary journalism really caught my eye. But caught between that and the "bigger picture", I made my choice and moved on. Friends who have been my travel companions in the US decided to move on - back to India. I have chosen to stay on for a while - the "bigger picture" again. Homesickness, nostalgia all come swirling at me as I say my farewells. And as the reality sunk in that another summer has passed, which makes me 25 by the way, I settled down to a routine that I hope will get me through the next few months - crucial, nailbiting and hectic months.

It has been a hectic summer alrite. All said and done, I still managed to complete one year in the US with not much damage except for a few thousand dollars burned in "Pursuit of Happiness". I have also learnt a few things about myself ( will try and avoid making this sound like a cliche, so keep reading). From grinning like a little boy, when shamu the whale splashed water on me , to relishing the spirit of adventure as I barrelled down rapids in a tub to feeling a fleeting moment of total freedom as I swam in a pristine lake all by myself, I have realised that despite being numbingly routine in my everyday life, my passion for the things that I love has not diminished one bit. As my Chinese friend with his piece of Zen wisdom says - "Yo!! Just roll with the flow...Duude!!". And that realisation is really heartening to carry into the winter.

A few more totally tangent thoughts that I can't squeeze into another post

-Offlate I have been getting comments from a lot of people who really care about me - that I am indifferent, aloof, cynical et all. All I thought I was capable of doing was lame self deprecating humour. So people thanks for the complements :-). I will try and not disappoint you.

-I got nominated as a "junkie" at my work place. Totally damaaged by an idiot who left out a critical piece of info from my "award". That actually can make another post. So expect one soon


-Today is onam and I had sandwich and fries for my onasadhya. Not good, especially when the last thing you need is another wave of nostalgia. The thing is I do remember onam as a wonderful time of the year, but for some reason this year, onam seems a lot more special. I guess it is just the Nostalgia acting up again. So I better hit the bed then..