Sunday, December 31, 2006

YEEE!!! it new years eve and i am gonna sleep right through

hello all

As i am tired answering queries on phone/orkut about my new year plans, I am writing this piece to shout it out....Had a very exciting 250 km bike ride and a 4 km trek yesterday...lots and lotso pics on my new camera...a very refreshing bath under a waterfall in the middle of a reserve forest...so to sum it up 2006 is a year that started with a whimper and as far as i am concerned has almost ended in a bang...
Will start a photo blog soon.... any cute ladies who want to get shot by a future cartier- bresson just get in touch with me ;-)...and considering my frequent travels, thinking of a travel blog too...trying to keep the essence of this blog as such...Zimble and boring...:-)
I better get going now...got to call up a whole lot of friends before the telephone networks get clogged..and FYI i am going to sleep through the new years eve...so please dont call me up at midnight...and if u r having a party in chennai and want a photogrpaher.....u know were to find one who will work for free

Wishin you all a new beginning with the new year...
lotso luv, camaraderie, not many fights, tons of gud laughs..at urs' and others' expense...
Goodspeed and God bless...
Adios 2006
Cheers
Kiran

Monday, December 25, 2006

The Mallu and the Oil bath

This is a very personal experience that every marunaadan mallu will identify with i guess...and even others who have mallus as friends will identify
It was another one of those sick sundays when you were supposed to work as the client had dozed off the whole week and was reminded of deadlines on friday...After my usual sunday routine of the elaborate 45 minute bath, i manage to get to office only to be stared upon, scorned upon and a lot of hushed opinions flying behind my back...And thankfully a "friend" broke the suspense to me...how the hell do u walk around with oil on u..Yuck
Mallus everywhere are stereotyped with lotso oil , not that i am complaining...but then we take pride in our oil baths, an amost well laid out ritual...something that i had neglected during my hectic college years:-)... If you are reading this and are surprised that me of all people is writing this, then u definitely must be one of my unfortunate classmates, aware of my tendency to abhor contact with water during the 4 years in college..FYI... I have changed, as i have realised the magic that is the oil bath...The next paragraph is my tribute to this..
A normal sunday...sleep late...coffee and the hindu magazine...breakfast...and then trimming of the stubble and the nails and then..nice kaachciya velichenna ( heated cocunut oil for the uninitiated)....apply until it starts dripping on to ur forhead...a very liberal amount on the face..and then imagining a nice thai massage with some cute ladies applying oil on ur back...as u struggle to reach all the unreachable places, especially on the back...arms and then legs...walk around with arms spread (more like a weight lifter with a very prominent wing) as oiled skin on oiled skin is too "squishy"...hang around TV until someone shouts at u to stop making the floor slippery... Water ..lots of it...preferably a bit warm... then go into a long and laborious, process to remove all the oil that was painstakingly applied in the first place...an almost equally long period to dry up and the LUNCH....properly cooked in cocunut oil and then....hit the bed watching a sunday rerun and doze off...BLISS i tell u....
Any converts people???? :-)

Friday, December 15, 2006

Cut throat marketing !!!

- Had been to Palakkad a week ago where still life seems to be chuggin along at a slightly faster pace than when i last left the place..This was one incident that made me realise that...A day at the Barber Shop (still not a saloon or a gent's beauty parlour)..Balan Brothers' Barber shop...Has been the same hole in the wall for as long as i can remember...and my memory of the place...a quick ushering in...radio/squeaky tape blaring...no questions asked...one size fits all cut that looks like a pot...5 rs...Done

I enter the shop all shabby and dishevelled..making eye contact with the barber and then taking my seat.."welcome sir"..i turn and look back at him....in a state of suspended disbelief...ok sir...so enthu venam??..i reply with "short, slightly mushroomish, no step"...he looks at me, my head from different angles and then feels the hair ....and an "mmmm" that sounded more like contemplation..."You have very nice thick hair"....on the mirror in front i can see a grin breaking out on my face...

the man gets on with the job....with the usual deft use of the scissors, precious bits of my mane tumbling down the "clean" cloth around my neck..." nannayittu nokkunnindu alle mudiye?"...again a small grin of acceptance on my face...He was now waxing eloquent on how thick it is...it can grow long without breakage and stuff...oil will help it grow....i am slightly on cloud nine and i am begining to lower my defences....and then ....he did it...."You will not become bald at all sar...."..working hard to suppress my smile...with a small blade on my hair, he starts "but u could actually use a good head massage"...got me thinking...an oil massage...it is only 250 rs...actually it is 300...but for you it is 250....and suddenly am brought back to earth with a crash....there isn't a hint of emotion in his eyes as he goes about his job...
all i can manage is a "anhaaaan"....quickly collecting my wits i evade that with a sneeze and a sniffle..."I had cold u know"...

A defeated look on his eyes....and that of a victor in my eye..he suddenly starts scratching my head....what is this...OMG u have dandrufff.....i am bewildered...u have lots of it...we will cure it once and for all..witha treatment...cold is not a problem....i am at wits end now...and suddenly start smiling....no money anna ....and that look on his face said it alll..

It kindo wanted to say "ethu alavalathikkum Flying machine jean idam...kali kaalam"...and in a jiffy after that i was done....only to realise that my head was looking like what else...a POT...
and did he push me out of the chair...??? it is a blur now....25 rs and Done...

i guess this is what they call cut throat marketing...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Another Chapter in the Life of a Software engineer

UAT, deadlines, release, Timelines are all the stuff of nightmares for us unfortunate people..It was yet another of those damn nights...when nothing seemed to go right and the whole floor in the office was empty...the lone tubelight shining on me and my hapless neighbour as we slogged away to deliver...fixing... testing...fixing..Delivery done...QA testing begins....Time 11.00 in the night...Already 12.30 in the US....Onsite screaming...QA testing...nothing much else to do...ORKUT ............
Preparing for the Long haul and the night ahead...GO buy an instant cup noodle and a bottle of cold "Vennilla" flavoured milk from the canteen...Settle down into my chair..I log into the communities and start looking....in plain mallu speak...Vaay nottam....some interesting things people have got going in orkut...I am not speaking normal stuff....a "Jayalalitha profile"...a Karuananidhi profile...Karunanidhi asking for amma's friendship...but strangely both seem to have queer preferences..check out for urself..cant say more...without putting u off this blog for ever....
Religious communities..a lot of really flirtatious ladies....some too much for my liking...and slowly started looking up friends...friends of friendds...and so on and so forth and started leaving scraps....clearing the night was getting to me...left a lot of scraps in a short while and started getting responses ranging from "Hey sexy", "get lost" to "get a life"..and the response kept coming thru the next day...so had to be online all day....and a normal response from one of the addressees, had me pleasantly surprised....only short lived as after a couple of scraps the next day...she stopped altogethor...Zilch...no more...maybe i am not as suave and sophisticated as i try to be sometimes ...Sigh
The clock flies to 2.15 AM and QA has all but wound up and we decide to call it a day....A slight problem... my feet suddenly seem to be wavy....and the floor seems to be uneven...i steady myself with a cold splash to my face...and get on the bike....the cold breeze from the sea refreshes and i am cruising on the road...1 km from my house..and the desolate mile... I continue down the road and pass a couple of stray dogs who start chasing....A smile appears on my face as i imagine lissome babes not dogs chasing me...only for the slightest trace of the smile to be wiped off in a flash...
A good 100 metres ahead all i could see were lotso gleaming eyes glistening in my headlight beam....and i slow down and the mass orgy of Dogs on the road reveals itself.....i guess it is that time of the year that a dog doesnt need a calendar to tell (a mallu proverb).....The orgy is interupted and the canines r not clearly amused....i stop and survey...a mexican stand off if u can say so...I turn around only to have the chasers staring from afar.......The lesser of the evils....My brain cells firing left right and center....
Will I be able to turn the bike before the dogs get to me...will i be able to accelerate faster than the dogs.....where do i keep my legs...Dogs like to eat bones...i am bony...no I am slightly fat now...ok.....Who gets my personal fortune in case I dont survive.....Who will respond to my emails...What do i tell all my disappointed blog readers...and what is thaaat smellll.....What is that sound..........IT is suddenly so much more brighter......and what is that sound...I see the morbid fear that has over come the menace in the canine eyes...Maybe it is god coming to get me...Give me a painlesss death....but god's vehicle doesnt sound like a corporation garbage truck ....
I turn back and there i see, barely 100 meters behind me a beautiful garbage truck...fully loaded and stinking...in all its rusted glory...with the driver gesticulating at me....i move aside and let the chariot pass......The enemy rank is in disarray and using my slightly superior brain I mange to ride away to glory alongside the garbage truck...Not complaining about the stink one bit...
But those few minutes had given me one hell of an adrenaline rush, one that ensured that i was fresh as a daisy...not a hint of sleep...and thinking clearly ...clearer than in along time...A small incident that put things in perspective....

"Cleanliness is sometimes next only to godliness"